As human animals we make assumptions about others, their experiences, and their intentions. It is necessary for our survival both as individuals and as communities.
Many of us are aware of the harms of assuming negative intent. It others people, causes conflict and division, draws often unnecessary lines that separate people, and typically causes harm to all involved.
Assuming best intentions is one of the ways that we create and nurture our social connections. We also tend to assume that others are a reflect of ourselves. This is great. It means that we automatically form bonds with strangers and are inherently welcoming and are more conflict avoidant.
However there is a downside, and one that I see many people, especially people of privilege, suffer from often.
When we only assume positive intentions, we are easily and frequently blinded to the fact that there are just some really harmful folks out there.1 We can be easily taken advantage of, it is not realistic, and often prevents situations from being addressed and handled.
We actively gaslight ourselves to believe that what we witnessed, we did not. We avoid looking at the truth of a situation. We find that our egos come to harm because if someone that we once or theoretically assumed was our mirror, is actually a harmful person, for then we too might be capable of harm or in fact harmful.2 We have a difficult time imagining a world that is not in alignment with our own set of privileges and lived experiences. We refuse to question things, lest we are shown the truth that we don’t want to see or accept. We don’t want others to be judged, lest we are also judged. The conditioned puritanical345 black and white absolutes of right and wrong, clean and dirty, good and bad, are challenged and our entire belief system is called into question, destabilizing us internally.
Assuming positive intentions or the sameness of others is extremely harmful when we are discussing systemic issues of harm. When we always engage in “the benefit of the doubt” we miss the truth of many things. It is what keeps white people from hearing about the harm caused by other white people against BIPOC, it keeps the abled from seeing their ableism, it is why we don’t believe the victim if they are not like us and the perpetrator is, or we why set the white male free after committing rape or assault.
It keep all of us perpetuating cycles of harm. And yet we refuse to believe that we are all capable of harm.
As magic workers, assuming positive intentions makes us highly vulnerable to being manipulated by spirits and other workers. We are blind and gullible to those who mean us harm who show up as mirrors of ourselves.6 We don’t see around the corner or behind us in our divinations and we have workings that may often fail.
How can we do differently?
We can begin by assuming neutral intentions and letting people tell us who they are in communication and in deed, and believing them instead of passing what they communicate and do through our filter of positive intentions. We can come from a place of healthy skepticism, the questioning mindset, a place of active discernment. We can also assume self-interest and human animal nature. We are animals after all, and learning to understand ourselves from some biological imperative and responsive points can greatly aid in interpersonal connections and communication. We can give the initial benefit of doubt, but be willing and able to shift that as needed and to be able to change our preconceived notions.
When we accept neutrality and human animal behaviors and when we do our own inner shadow work, we grow as people and allies. We grow as workers in our chosen paths and we are set free from the limitations of our past conditioning.
- The Benefits and Downsides of Assuming Best Intentions ↩︎
- I do not use good or bad for people it most cases. Often it is a value judgement that does not help to further the conversation. ↩︎
- Speaking especially to the US experience of enculturation ↩︎
- Puritanism for Beginners ↩︎
- Eight Puritan Beliefs ↩︎
- Understanding Abuse Series: Love Bombing ↩︎